When all the frenzy's died down,
And I get some time alone,
I think of what life would have been,
If you hadn't left home.
There in the bunk bed with me,
I know you'd understand,
When the rest of the world refused,
You'd be there to hold my hand.
There in the bunk bed with me,
We would together decipher life,
And find the courage to face the world,
Together- in good, and times of strife.
There in the bunk bed with me,
I knew I'd be myself.
It's because I trust myself to be more honest with you,
Than even with my own self.
There in the bunk bed with me,
The beds were two- but soul one,
The sorrows divided, the joys multiplied,
Our race against life was won.
Everything was such a dream,
And we were stradling the highs...
...But destiny is a cruel thing,
And it willed otherwise.
Now, the distances separate us,
And the unfortunate circumstances,
But I pray you'll be there to help me match step again,
With life, in its many dances.
Until then I will miss...
Those late-night cathartic masterpieces,
Those numerous assuring smiles,
Those laughs, those tears- so unapologetic,
Those giggles that could be heard for miles...
The world is kinda blurry now,
I search for sense somewhere,
And at the end of every disillusioning day,
I find myself wishing you were there...
There in the bunk bed with me,
A mere thought apart,
I close my eyes, reach out to your bed,
And feel you in my heart.
The bed next to me may be empty,
But your presence in my life will never,
Because a lot of who I am today is because of you,
And that'll be true forever...
Monday, December 10, 2007
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Haunting Questions
Sometimes at the end of a tiring day,
I feel the good and the bad, the happy and the sad,
Blurring into a single question:
What is the purpose of my life? Why am I here? Why now?
And suddenly, the recent drama,
the heartbreaks, the victories,
are reduced to miniscule moments.
I feel small, compared to the enormity of my task.
A mere tool for life to achieve its purpose.
Will I succeed? Will I fail?
Do I have it in me to carry the flame of humanity?
The numerous successors before me,
Seem to have left no clue.
It's still all opaque.
But there still seems like a cosmic conspiracy is forever brewing,
Like everything is staged.
Like somebody's forgotten to give me the script,
But everyone else is on perfect cue.
My biggest fear continues to be...
Will I go through life without even knowing the real purpose?
Or worse still...
Will I live my purpose without even knowing it?
Haunting questions, indeed!
I feel the good and the bad, the happy and the sad,
Blurring into a single question:
What is the purpose of my life? Why am I here? Why now?
And suddenly, the recent drama,
the heartbreaks, the victories,
are reduced to miniscule moments.
I feel small, compared to the enormity of my task.
A mere tool for life to achieve its purpose.
Will I succeed? Will I fail?
Do I have it in me to carry the flame of humanity?
The numerous successors before me,
Seem to have left no clue.
It's still all opaque.
But there still seems like a cosmic conspiracy is forever brewing,
Like everything is staged.
Like somebody's forgotten to give me the script,
But everyone else is on perfect cue.
My biggest fear continues to be...
Will I go through life without even knowing the real purpose?
Or worse still...
Will I live my purpose without even knowing it?
Haunting questions, indeed!
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Language- a Reflection of our Attitudes
In our house, we speak six languages. And more often than not, we speak a language that is a mix of a few, if not all of them. To us, its perfectly normal, but imagine the plight of the outsider! Even if they know half the languages, chances are they won’t understand the conversation. Now, imagine the confusion if this happened across the country- or worse- across the world!
Language today, I believe, is an honest reflection of our complacent attitudes. We like short-cuts, we don’t care a tuppence for perfection. We learn a language to communicate with those who speak it, but we rarely strive to know every bit of it. Our easy fall-back excuse is that Hinglish is hip, its cool. Just how universal it is, we don’t care! You don’t need to step out of India to realize that, just go a little south of this very peninsula, or into the heartlands of our country: the villages- and you’ll find lesser takers for your new-found ‘cool’ language.
Another favourite fact that people harp endlessly about is the inclusion of Hindi words into the English dictionary. Now, if you enter an English speaking country and start using those words and nobody understands, are they at fault for not having read every word in the English dictionary, or are you the stupid one for expecting them to?
According to me, there are few better ways of exercising one’s intellect than learning a new language. And there are few things more beautiful than listening to someone who has mastered a language speak. Today, there are so many things lost in translation. And the only cure is to know the different languages as well as we can. For different as they are, they- quite ironically- help in breaking all barriers!
Language today, I believe, is an honest reflection of our complacent attitudes. We like short-cuts, we don’t care a tuppence for perfection. We learn a language to communicate with those who speak it, but we rarely strive to know every bit of it. Our easy fall-back excuse is that Hinglish is hip, its cool. Just how universal it is, we don’t care! You don’t need to step out of India to realize that, just go a little south of this very peninsula, or into the heartlands of our country: the villages- and you’ll find lesser takers for your new-found ‘cool’ language.
Another favourite fact that people harp endlessly about is the inclusion of Hindi words into the English dictionary. Now, if you enter an English speaking country and start using those words and nobody understands, are they at fault for not having read every word in the English dictionary, or are you the stupid one for expecting them to?
According to me, there are few better ways of exercising one’s intellect than learning a new language. And there are few things more beautiful than listening to someone who has mastered a language speak. Today, there are so many things lost in translation. And the only cure is to know the different languages as well as we can. For different as they are, they- quite ironically- help in breaking all barriers!
A Myopic Epidemic!
A certain Richard Gere plants a kiss on an unsuspecting Shilpa Shetty and has a warrant issued against him for the oh-so-sacrilegious act; a designer-sari-clad Aishwarya gushes over hubby AB as he talks to the thousands of TV cameras in font; a look-at-me-I’m-not-dressed-as-a-police-inspector Jackie Shroff talks about… dabba-walas of Amchi Mumbai. “And oh yeah, we’re here only to spread awareness about AIDS- that deadly, deadly… (what is it again?!). And it’s not about us, it’s only about them- the poor victims. The whole world needs to hear their inspiring stories…” Right! When they get a break from your desperate publicity seeking stunts maybe?
Another World AIDS Day gone by with the same celebrity tamashas. What is the best way to get noticed if you don’t have any films lined up in the next few months? What’s the best way to make a place for yourself in the hearts of the public after a series of duds? What’s the best way to go from a nobody to a somebody? Go support AIDS! (Read: Go to a mega-glamorous function with half the media persons in the entire country present, kiss a few kids, dance with a few of ‘em- since your last movie didn’t have an item number, and talk at length about how much better a place the world will be if we together eradicate AIDS)….Yeah I know. It sounds like a cynical rant, but it couldn’t be more true.
They did get a few facts right. AIDS is a dangerous, incurable, life-threatening disease that needs attention- because prevention is the only known cure to date. But what has made the celebrity support so nauseating is that it has made AIDS almost glamorous, and certainly sounding like the last disease left on earth! What happened to killer diseases like TB, Polio, Hepatitis, Malaria that plague India to this date, and to which we haven’t found any solutions either? Oh wait, they’re not so important coz half the world doesn’t even know about them! Right? Wrong! Listen to this: More people die of these four diseases in India, than the number that succumb to AIDS globally every year. And a lot of it is thanks to the age-old problem of lack of awareness. Maybe the celebrities need to take off their blinkers and take a look around.
To face the truth, the search for a cure to the deadly illness has come to a grinding halt. There are the condoms, and… what else? Stories of new contraceptives being invented grab a select few moments in the spotlight and disappear into oblivion. In contrast, diseases like Malaria, Hepatitis and TB can be cured if detected in time. Our fervent Polio Campaign has also taken not one, but several steps backward. We have over 720 cases of polio detected this year, a record enough to dislodge Nigeria- the earlier top ranker. And we complain we’re not the best at anything!
The only hope now is that these myopic celebrities get a new pair of spectacles- or take a back seat. They have the power to attract the crowds, only wish they would exercise some discretion, and some much needed sympathy.
Another World AIDS Day gone by with the same celebrity tamashas. What is the best way to get noticed if you don’t have any films lined up in the next few months? What’s the best way to make a place for yourself in the hearts of the public after a series of duds? What’s the best way to go from a nobody to a somebody? Go support AIDS! (Read: Go to a mega-glamorous function with half the media persons in the entire country present, kiss a few kids, dance with a few of ‘em- since your last movie didn’t have an item number, and talk at length about how much better a place the world will be if we together eradicate AIDS)….Yeah I know. It sounds like a cynical rant, but it couldn’t be more true.
They did get a few facts right. AIDS is a dangerous, incurable, life-threatening disease that needs attention- because prevention is the only known cure to date. But what has made the celebrity support so nauseating is that it has made AIDS almost glamorous, and certainly sounding like the last disease left on earth! What happened to killer diseases like TB, Polio, Hepatitis, Malaria that plague India to this date, and to which we haven’t found any solutions either? Oh wait, they’re not so important coz half the world doesn’t even know about them! Right? Wrong! Listen to this: More people die of these four diseases in India, than the number that succumb to AIDS globally every year. And a lot of it is thanks to the age-old problem of lack of awareness. Maybe the celebrities need to take off their blinkers and take a look around.
To face the truth, the search for a cure to the deadly illness has come to a grinding halt. There are the condoms, and… what else? Stories of new contraceptives being invented grab a select few moments in the spotlight and disappear into oblivion. In contrast, diseases like Malaria, Hepatitis and TB can be cured if detected in time. Our fervent Polio Campaign has also taken not one, but several steps backward. We have over 720 cases of polio detected this year, a record enough to dislodge Nigeria- the earlier top ranker. And we complain we’re not the best at anything!
The only hope now is that these myopic celebrities get a new pair of spectacles- or take a back seat. They have the power to attract the crowds, only wish they would exercise some discretion, and some much needed sympathy.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Happy and... Gay?
It was my first day at Grady High school, my second day in Atlanta, and my fourth day of being in the US on my exchange program. During my first three periods, I had already been overwhelmed by the number of new people I was meeting, and was aghast at how nobody seemed to have even noticed my presence (despite me getting there in time to catch a front seat!). As I walked into US History, my fourth period class, I had learnt my lesson, and went and grabbed the corner-most desk. I was done with 'taking initiative' for the day (as they never tired of telling us at the exchange orientations), and wanted to wallow in self-pity for a while. Just as the class was about to start, in walked Michael- or, to me then, my angel. His eyes searched the room, and he chose the desk right in front of me- in that same corner. He came, slung his bag under the chair, and sat down. I noticed he had the most adorable curly blonde hair, before he quickly spun around and introduced himself.
"I'm Michael. Michael Tallini" He held out his hand as he spoke.
"I'm Arundhati." I said, then noticing the horror written all over his face, I added, "Yeah, you can call me Aru. I'm an exchange student from India"
His kindly blue eyes suddenly shone with excitement, "Wow! That's SO cool! I've always wanted to go to India! You know, I even tried reading the Bh.. bhaag..."
"Bhagawat Gita?" I volunteered, a genuine smile appearing on my face for the first time in the day.
"So is that really how you say it? I always wanted to know!"
And our conversation went on throughout the period, as the history teacher, Mr. Sartor, tried in vain attract our attention. But, for once, I didn't care. I had finally made a friend in this unknown land!
And from then on, I always looked forward to US History, not so much for the story of the gory history of America, but to meet my friend. My only friend.
Michael and I, we talked about everything under the Sun. He asked questions about India, but also about my life back there. These were genuine queries. A sharp contrast to the questions people asked me just because I introduced myself as an exchange student. With Michael, I almost forgot that I was from an alien country, and had a 'weird' accent (as the others would always remind me). With him, I was myself- a teenager- with my very own set of quirks and fancies. He woud always know when I was down, and know exactly what to say and do to make me happier. In turn, I gave him a big bear hug everytime he walked into class. We were inseperable in that class...
And this continued for almost six months. And then came a day that looked as normal as it could, but in fact, was completely otherwise.
I walked into class a little late, and Mr. Sartor had already started passing out the tests. I quickly gave Michael a hug and buckled down to start writing the test. As usual, Michael leaned over and wispered a 'best of luck'. I smiled and nodded. I looked at my test, and got into the whole which-president-was-elected-when-and-against-whom mode. Everything was fine...
...for a few minutes. Then, out of the blue, Michael tapped on my shoulders, "Aru?"
Being used to Michael's random outbursts, I wasn't too surprised, but wondered what it was this time.
"Did I ever tell you I was gay?"
One little question. And the insides of me wanted to scream "WHAT?!!!". Instead, I managed a meek shake of the head.
"Well yeah, I'm gay" He said, completely oblivious to the effect his statement had had on the listener.
For a while, I tried to look back at the test, and suddenly nothing made sense. I tried to act like I was testing, but finally gave up. Thankfully, the bell rang at the same time.
As I managed a smile at Michael, I ran out of the class, his words still ringing in my ear. I wasn't quite sure why I was so upset. Was it because he was the first gay guy I had ever known? Or was it because I hadn't known it for six long months? Or was it because it was a situation I had never faced before, and was not quite ready to react to?
As I went through the day, and finally went home, I looked back on it. I realised one of my main frustrations was that I never knew Michael was gay, despite knowing him so well! And then I asked myself, how could I?! He was so... normal! I mean, weren't homosexuals supposed to be all flambouyant and feminine and stuff? Every gay character I'd seen in movies was quite flambouyant, and I had a reason to believe so! But I hadn't known, had I?!
I was also quite frustrated he didn't tell me earlier. But then, I asked myself whether I ever introduced myself with my sexual orientation. If I didn't have to say I was straight, why would Michael have to introduce himself as gay? The more I thought about it, the more I realised how unfair my anger was. I had always thought of myself as very open-minded, but this made me check my own beliefs. And, though it took a while, I understood.
It was one of those moments of my life that I can confidently point to and say, "I grew as a person there"
Ultimately, Michael and I shared an even stronger bond than ever. I loved and respected him more than I ever had, and I even mustered the courage to tell him about my feelings after he 'came out' to me. With remarkable maturity, much beyond his years, he smiled his kindly smile, and said, "I understand. I should have introduced the idea more gradually. And your reaction was nothing compared to the usual ones. But I'm not ashamed to tell now. How can I be ashamed of myself?" Thankfully, he never noticed the little tear falling down my cheek.
Michael and I went on to bigger things, greater things. We came to the point where he regularly talked to me about all the gay couples drama, and I did not feel, in the least emarrased. I had accepted Michael for who he was: a wonderful human being, funny, curious, enthusiastic, loving, empathatic, and yes, gay. My first ever friend at Grady.
I thought I would share this story in the wake of the whole Manvendra Singh episode. The world is moving on, and how long will we insist on being stuck in old ancient mindsets (in the name of 'maintaining traditions'), and deny such natural feelings? How long will it take us to realise that homosexuals are every bit as 'normal' as anyone who falls for their opposite sex? In the times when a 'normal' boy-girl relationship comes under utmost scrutiny in society, I wonder just how long it'll take for people to accept that even two guys can 'go out'... The world is moving fast, and, let's accept it, we are far behind in a lot of ways. And until we actually accept ourselves- and are comfortable in our own skins- how will we move on?
"I'm Michael. Michael Tallini" He held out his hand as he spoke.
"I'm Arundhati." I said, then noticing the horror written all over his face, I added, "Yeah, you can call me Aru. I'm an exchange student from India"
His kindly blue eyes suddenly shone with excitement, "Wow! That's SO cool! I've always wanted to go to India! You know, I even tried reading the Bh.. bhaag..."
"Bhagawat Gita?" I volunteered, a genuine smile appearing on my face for the first time in the day.
"So is that really how you say it? I always wanted to know!"
And our conversation went on throughout the period, as the history teacher, Mr. Sartor, tried in vain attract our attention. But, for once, I didn't care. I had finally made a friend in this unknown land!
And from then on, I always looked forward to US History, not so much for the story of the gory history of America, but to meet my friend. My only friend.
Michael and I, we talked about everything under the Sun. He asked questions about India, but also about my life back there. These were genuine queries. A sharp contrast to the questions people asked me just because I introduced myself as an exchange student. With Michael, I almost forgot that I was from an alien country, and had a 'weird' accent (as the others would always remind me). With him, I was myself- a teenager- with my very own set of quirks and fancies. He woud always know when I was down, and know exactly what to say and do to make me happier. In turn, I gave him a big bear hug everytime he walked into class. We were inseperable in that class...
And this continued for almost six months. And then came a day that looked as normal as it could, but in fact, was completely otherwise.
I walked into class a little late, and Mr. Sartor had already started passing out the tests. I quickly gave Michael a hug and buckled down to start writing the test. As usual, Michael leaned over and wispered a 'best of luck'. I smiled and nodded. I looked at my test, and got into the whole which-president-was-elected-when-and-against-whom mode. Everything was fine...
...for a few minutes. Then, out of the blue, Michael tapped on my shoulders, "Aru?"
Being used to Michael's random outbursts, I wasn't too surprised, but wondered what it was this time.
"Did I ever tell you I was gay?"
One little question. And the insides of me wanted to scream "WHAT?!!!". Instead, I managed a meek shake of the head.
"Well yeah, I'm gay" He said, completely oblivious to the effect his statement had had on the listener.
For a while, I tried to look back at the test, and suddenly nothing made sense. I tried to act like I was testing, but finally gave up. Thankfully, the bell rang at the same time.
As I managed a smile at Michael, I ran out of the class, his words still ringing in my ear. I wasn't quite sure why I was so upset. Was it because he was the first gay guy I had ever known? Or was it because I hadn't known it for six long months? Or was it because it was a situation I had never faced before, and was not quite ready to react to?
As I went through the day, and finally went home, I looked back on it. I realised one of my main frustrations was that I never knew Michael was gay, despite knowing him so well! And then I asked myself, how could I?! He was so... normal! I mean, weren't homosexuals supposed to be all flambouyant and feminine and stuff? Every gay character I'd seen in movies was quite flambouyant, and I had a reason to believe so! But I hadn't known, had I?!
I was also quite frustrated he didn't tell me earlier. But then, I asked myself whether I ever introduced myself with my sexual orientation. If I didn't have to say I was straight, why would Michael have to introduce himself as gay? The more I thought about it, the more I realised how unfair my anger was. I had always thought of myself as very open-minded, but this made me check my own beliefs. And, though it took a while, I understood.
It was one of those moments of my life that I can confidently point to and say, "I grew as a person there"
Ultimately, Michael and I shared an even stronger bond than ever. I loved and respected him more than I ever had, and I even mustered the courage to tell him about my feelings after he 'came out' to me. With remarkable maturity, much beyond his years, he smiled his kindly smile, and said, "I understand. I should have introduced the idea more gradually. And your reaction was nothing compared to the usual ones. But I'm not ashamed to tell now. How can I be ashamed of myself?" Thankfully, he never noticed the little tear falling down my cheek.
Michael and I went on to bigger things, greater things. We came to the point where he regularly talked to me about all the gay couples drama, and I did not feel, in the least emarrased. I had accepted Michael for who he was: a wonderful human being, funny, curious, enthusiastic, loving, empathatic, and yes, gay. My first ever friend at Grady.
I thought I would share this story in the wake of the whole Manvendra Singh episode. The world is moving on, and how long will we insist on being stuck in old ancient mindsets (in the name of 'maintaining traditions'), and deny such natural feelings? How long will it take us to realise that homosexuals are every bit as 'normal' as anyone who falls for their opposite sex? In the times when a 'normal' boy-girl relationship comes under utmost scrutiny in society, I wonder just how long it'll take for people to accept that even two guys can 'go out'... The world is moving fast, and, let's accept it, we are far behind in a lot of ways. And until we actually accept ourselves- and are comfortable in our own skins- how will we move on?
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